Oh those Canadian mathematicians are such smarty-pants; anything for publicity.

This item from several alert friends this morning…

Recently a group of Canadian mathematicians used the epidemiology of a zombie breakout to predict the outcome of “similar” viruses. Defining a zombie as

a reanimated human corpse that feeds on living human flesh,

they conclude that

if zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

In a scientific paper discussing their findings, the authors assert that humanity’s only hope against such zombies is to

hit them hard and hit them often.

Perhaps they should have simply hired (insert the name of your favourite zombie fan here) who could tell them all of that and so much more. I suspect they needed an official excuse to watch piles of zombie flicks.

Read about it on Canada.com or BBC News.

Off the radar for the past four months, I’ve probably missed a lot of important information. Waiting at the Greenpoint G train station last night I was ill prepared for a poster advertising the upcoming TV series, Vampire Diaries. Reading later about the main characters who are either “beautiful and popular” or carrying “dark, deadly secrets of their own”, two thoughts raced through my mind:

1) how refreshing, it’s high time someone made melodramatic books and motion pictures about beautiful young vampires.
2) Dear Diary, I am beautiful and in love with the dangerous vampire next door - it’s complicated, what shall I do?

Vampire Diaries is based on a series of young adult novels. For those who can’t get enough of Twilight and True Blood - hold your breath; here comes more of the same.

As much as I disliked Diary of the Dead, Romero’s recent zombie film (2007), at least the zombies have some character, albeit rotting and unpleasant. I might actually read their diaries.

Visit and enjoy a whole page of black and white monsters made by various artists and programmers like Christian Gross, who made the Hihi monster, pictured above.

There is a lot of writing in the press these days about Zs and Vs:
For those who need an infusion of pop-monstrousness…check these links:

In the Blood: Why do vampires still thrill? by Joan Acocella

A Trend With Teeth By Ruth La Ferla

Zombie Films as Liberal Parables in The New York Times’ blogs.

Poor poor modern vampires, stuck merely “hot and bad” while zombies are busy enacting “progressive ideals of common cause and collective action”. If, like me, you’re jaded by the beautiful immortal Twilight and True Blood variety of pouty hero-vamps who aren’t even dangerous drinkers - one is “vegetarian” and the other sips synthetic blood substitute, though you know they both want the real (pretty young) thing - check these new creatures. Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s novel The Strain and Park Chan Wook’s film Thirst, below, offer monsters you can really sink your teeth into, or vice versa.

In mid-September I’ll be in Buffalo filming Red Rum (working title), a new video for exhibition at Hallwalls in January 2010. I will film in kitchens and bathrooms around Buffalo, NY, so if you have some and are willing to participate, please contact me or John Massier (info on poster, above) for details.

Red Rum, its title a reference to The Shining where a young boy predicts “redrum” (backwards, murder) before a hotel elevator bursts with blood and all hell breaks loose, is a video with a haunted horror theme. The scenes take us through a cavernous home where blood - a predominant prop in horror films—drips from faucets, runs down mirrors, pools on stairs, and seeps from cupboards. This blood appears disembodied until the camera slowly reveals its haunted source. Meanwhile the camera visits many neighbouring houses that also drip with blood, suggesting a murderous streak. Red Rum, filmed on location in Buffalo during the artist’s residency in September 2009, features local actors, students, a choir, musicians, and homes.